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NATE EXPLAINS NFL SUPERPRO TO JORDAN
2008-08-28 10:01:20
NATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
JORDAN: All right, Nate… you’ve posted three of your trading blogs, and then took almost a week off from blogging (presumably to lay around doing nothing). And while I’m honored to have done the first “Fair Trade,” I am starting to feel neglected. I have needs! I think it’s time for another explanation. I’ve probably read a hundred comics since last time I’ve explained one to you. When are we going to get back to it?
NATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz(football-related hibernation)zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
JORDAN: Nate. NATE! …. Hey, doesn’t football start this week?
NATE: zzzAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(snort)
Did someone say FOOTBALL!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
JORDAN: Uh, yeah, sorry about that. It was a clever ruse to wake you so we can talk about comics. I was thinking I could explain the "Mutant Massacre," or the first trade of EXILES, or "The Death of Gwen Stacy." Sound like fun?
NATE: How dare you. How dare. No, for waking me up (FOOTBALL ON THURSDAY!!!!!), you are going to be punished. I’m going to explain one of the greatest worst characters of my youth: NFL SUPERPRO!!!!
JORDAN: Uh… do I really deserve that? Ok… well, I guess you have 100 words to tell me about the wonder/horror that is SuperPro.
NATE: Ok! So Phil Grayfield was a football player, but he saved a kid and hurt his knee. Then he became a football reporter and interviewed a scientist that had created an INDESTRUCTIBLE FOOTBALL UNIFORM. Bad guys broke in during the interview, tried to steal the inventor’s NFL memorabilia, and then set fire to the building. Phil gets tied up and chemicals and football memorabilia fall on top of him, and he somehow gets stronger. Then he steals the scientist’s uniform and fights…crime.
It’s awful. But football forgives all. (except for you, Eli Manning)
JORDAN: Ok… ok, wait… So… he get’s super-football powers from football memorabilia doused in chemicals? And, were that not lame enough, he then wears really great PADDING?!?
NATE: Yeah! He can’t be hurt, but he wears a suit that can’t be broken…THAT HAS ALMOST NO FACIAL PROTECTION. If that uniform were ever used in a real game, people’s mouths and noses would be mangled constantly.
JORDAN: So… what does he do? Just win at football a lot?
NATE: No, he keeps faking his knee injury (which has mysteriously healed), and he travels around, interviewing football players. And whenever there’s a football-related crime, he jumps into his news van, and out leaps NFL SUPERPRO!!!!!!!!
JORDAN: Football-related crimes? Like… what? Someone robs the concession stand? Someone kidnaps the quarterback?
NATE: Well, there was Instant Replay. He was an assassin that could SLICE THROUGH TIME!!!!!!!!!!! And there was a bad guy that took steroids and went insane and turned into a giant. Oh! And my favorite was Quick Kick. He was a football placekicker that turned into a NINJA!!!!!!!
JORDAN: So, he didn’t even fight Marvel villains? He didn’t get to spike a ball in Doctor Doom’s face?
NATE: You have no idea what spiking a ball means.
No, he didn’t have time to fight your “real” villains. He was too busy covering FOOTBALL!!!!!!
Hey, you’ve heard my fantasy football team’s name, right?
JORDAN: I vaguely remember something along the lines of “My Name is Nate Cosby and I am a Bad Person.”
NATE: Close! It’s DEATH TO CATS. Wanna join?
JORDAN: No. Because first of all, I love cats, and second, I don’t care about football.
I give it an RCI: read comics instead.
NATE: I’m going back to hibernation until tomorrozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Awesome!
That was NFL Superpro in a nutshell. Awesome.
And I'm ashamed to admit I have a few issues....
Posted by DRock1 on 2008-08-31 13:37:11
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About this blog:
By day, he’s a mild-mannered comic book editor! By night, he’s an obsessive sports fan!
By early morning, he drinks coffee and then runs! He’s Nathan Cosby, and he has thoughts about things.
This is them.
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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